In 1983, Karl Edward Wagner listed Michael Arlen's HELL! SAID THE DUCHESS as one of the thirteen best supernatural horror novels ever written... but why?
For most of its length, the book is hardly the best of anything. More novella than novel, it reads for the most part like a mildly amusing story by Ronald Firbank, but without Firbank's melancholy; like one of Waugh's satires without the sting; like a Wodehouse farce without the clever pratfalls. I found parts of it funny, but with a humour as light and fluffy as meringue:
"Mrs. Nautigale had a pronounced gift for collecting the most intimate friendships possible with men and women who could never overcome their surprise at having been collected. They then found themselves subjected to the alarming process of being pinned down, exhibited and fed in groups of not fewer than twenty, at which it was taken for granted that a good time was being had by all, though no one knew exactly why.
"She was the soul of kindness, gave money freely to the rich, and had built her success as a hostess on having cleverly observed that there is no one like the distinguished Anglo-Saxon for enjoying a series of free meals provided that nothing, and particularly no conversation, is asked of him or her in return."
And so on, for page after page, like Saki without venom. Not even a series of sex-murders committed, it seems, by the chaste and proper Duchess of Dove can darken the mood, and the police investigation is played for laughs:
"My valet and I have been taking it in turns to follow her day and night for several days, and we have also searched her rooms in Camberwell."
"An illegal act," said Icelin. "We also found nothing."
As Arlen's cardboard detectives wander through their investigations, his crisp, imageless prose is consistently arch and amusing, but to little point. The book offers no emotional resonance, no atmosphere, no sense of place, no people to care about, and no sense of horror whatsoever.
But then, in the last twenty pages, Arlen suddenly veers into Arthur Machen territory.
[MILD SPOILER]
His buffoons encounter an Ancient Evil hot for sex and bloodshed:
"He could see nothing at all but her eyes, nothing in the whole world but two eyes. And then he could see two black bright points. He wanted to shut his eyes tight against them, but he was without any will at all. And he felt the coils of a snake around him. He saw the two black bright points of a snake’s eyes reared above his head. He felt his hands caressing the rough sensuous coils. Then he found himself lying on his back on the sofa with her body pressed down on him and her pointed tongue darting in and out of his mouth."
With its predatory sex and supernatural horror, this ending took me by surprise. Its intensity bursts out of nowhere, and undeniably works. Even Arlen's refusal to describe images adds to the sense of danger, as the cardboard characters flinch away from any glimpse of the thing that wants them.
Certain elements in the story, like the hints of a fascist coup and class riots in Great Britain, never add up to anything, which gives the novel a hasty, improvised feel. This impression is reinforced by the climactic shift in tone, by the sudden leap from light amusement to sex-and-death evil. That ending could almost be a separate story grafted onto a failing book.
For this reason, I could never call HELL! SAID THE DUCHESS a good horror novel, but I would still urge readers of horror to skip ahead to those startling final pages.
Yet I still wonder why the hell Karl Edward Wagner called the book great.
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